I sat to the edge of the cold bed, bent forward, my elbows pressing on my knees. As I rubbed my hands together, the salty tears streamed down my face, and landed in a puddle on the floor. I contemplated the invitation that had been extended to me in this prison…
“Yes”, I whispered, “I do”.
It was as if I was the bride and He was the groom, and I was getting married, though I didn’t know to whom.
Thoughts of fear and excitement ran through my head, as I envisioned what this could mean from the side of my bed.
I heard the clanging of the keys in the hand of the guard, as he clicked open the lock and threw the door open hard.
You’d think I’d have ran straight out the door, tearing off my orange jumpsuit, my imprisonment no more.
But I just sat there, frozen, thinking of the years that’d been stolen, now my eyes fully open, my heart full of hope and…
My streaming tears had now turned into a raging flood, as I pondered the grace and the shedding of blood, that purchased this freedom I didn’t deserve, “am I really more valuable than the time that I’ve served?”.
I wept with passion I’ve never felt before, I kept staring ahead at this cold cell door.
Again came the flood but this time from inside, hopefulness, excitement, anger and pride.
Feelings of loss, pain, peace, and joy did roll, as an epic spiritual war raged on in my soul;
hosts of darkness waging war against the Hosts of heaven, forgiveness demanding 70×7.
My prison cell had been opened but I’d failed to respond, other than verbal surrender I couldn’t move on.
I realized I was now imprisoning myself, somewhere along the lines, I’d put my heart on the shelf.
“It can’t get hurt if it’s not in use”, no more pain being inflicted; no more darkness or abuse.
Like a beautiful eagle unable to soar, like an unquenchable thirst always demanding more.
That’s when He came to me in the midst of my agony, singing to me, loving me, never giving up on me.
He stood in front of me, knelt down square, He looked me in my eyes and brushed back my hair, I closed my eyes as He leaned in near, with all the love in His heart, He whispered in my ear.
You see I’d been on death row, for as long as I know, protecting and covering the darkness hovering, but with His breath, He awakened the death that was causing reality to scarcely digest.
The sound and vibration that could awaken a nation, just destroyed the chains that had me restrained, I was no longer shaken.
I jumped up and ran, I could finally see, I didn’t deserve it but He whole-heartedly loves me.
I went through the door, headed down the hall, I could hear other prisoners making their call, “What did He say that made you believe, you could do what you did, and think you can be free?” I looked straight forward only Him my eyes could see, “Run wild, baby girl!” He repeated to me…
I’ve taken His hand and I’ll never let go, through fire and rain, I’m sure that I know; His love is enough, His grace is sufficient, to hold me and keep me in His clear vision.
So if you’ve been locked up in that cage, a broken and beaten little child, stand up tall, abandon it all, take His hand dear one and with Him, Run Wild!!!
So real…when I started reading I was thinking, how did she know…lol. Love, Grace, Truth…amazing! Thanks for sharing, I know we have each our own journey but WOW, thought you were reading my memory for a minute.
Amen Susan!! We each have a beautifully messy story to walk out of and into His testimony for us!! Thanks for checking in!!
WOW you have a Gift you are certainly a Gift to me Rheanna. That shook me. Love you like crazy….Mom
Thank you, Love you so much! 💗
Absolutely amazing! These are words that could touch BILLIONS!
You are one in a zillion my dear seester! Such unbelievable heart!